Follow-up to a Below Post…
Years ago, my wife had a friend who was a world-class gossip. Whenever my wife came home from spending time with her, she’d have updates on everybody. Some of it was harmless enough – new jobs, family news, who moved where.
But most of it was catty. Judgmental. Mean. This person always had something negative to say about somebody. One friend was lazy. Another was selfish. Another was a bad parent. Another was cheap. Nobody escaped criticism.
Finally, I asked my wife, “D, if she trash-talks all her other friends to you, who do you think she trash-talks to them?”
Yeah. You.
That’s the thing about gossips and chronic complainers. People sometimes think they’re being included in some special inner circle. They think, “Well, WE are the reasonable ones. WE are the exception.”
Nope.
If someone spends all day bad-mouthing other people, eventually your turn comes too. That’s just what they do.
I thought about that after my interaction with Loud this week. Loud was furious at another co-worker and at one point called them a “fucking idiot” because they disagreed about a work issue. And all I could think was: what exactly does Loud call ME when I’m not there?
Because if someone complains about almost every person in the building, why would I imagine I somehow get spared? Why would anybody think they’re immune from a person whose entire social interaction revolves around negativity?
My wife used the word “toxic” when I told her the story. I usually roll my eyes at trendy buzzwords, but honestly, in this case, it fits. That environment is toxic. But mostly it was the realization that I don’t want to be a part of that person’s negativity (as the hearer or target)